September 26, 2012

CRUSTCAKE'S CHAOS IN TEJAS WISHLIST


Pictured: Sleep

Bolt Thrower is finally coming to Austin. Did you hear that? BOLT THROWER IS FINALLY COMING TO AUSTIN. They're one of the bands announced for the initial lineup of 2013's Chaos in Tejas. If you look at the flyer, you'll see why their logo is the most prominent. As they don't tour and rarely play the States, this is a huge deal. We thought Autopsy at Chaos 2010 couldn't be topped -- that will be questioned come next summertime. Timmy Hefner for President!

The rest of the lineup could be total shit and it would still be the best Chaos ever. However, we can be hopeful. Here's our wishlist for the rest of the Chaos lineup.

WAR MASTER

The son must meet his creator. Shit, their name is fucking WAR MASTER, and they sound a lot like early Bolt Thrower. This has to happen. We're thinking a battle set with Bolt Thrower themselves at 4 AM at the Broken Neck. Will bodies or Lone Star cans pile up higher? As Bolt Thrower would say, "No Guts, No Glory."

ADORIOR

Cruciamentum were one of the other bands announced for Chaos, and their drummer Molester is also in one of the most turnt up bands that played Rites of Darkness, Adorior. Melissa Jaded Lungs has such a commanding presence that Brandon Geist is probably shook. They rage for days and their only agenda is laying waste with denim and leather. "Hater of Humans" counts as equality, no? Gotta watch for that after last year's fiasco.

Let's take a small detour here and discuss the "Rites of Darkness effect." The only thing that saved Danny Serna's ass was that he has good taste, and thankfully, his influence has spread to people who know how to manage money. Pallbearer blew up earlier this year and continue to ride a warship of critical praise. Weapon got a support slot for Marduk's most recent US jaunt, and they'll support Nachtmystium later in the fall. Season of Mist signed Inquisition. Antaeus and Anhedonist are booked for this year's Maryland Deathfest, and the most recent of MDF included Rites faves Demigod and Black Witchery. Pagan Altar, Disma and Loss couldn't make it to Rites, but they're confirmed for MDF. Loss also had the effect work against them when they couldn't make Chaos in Tejas, and Disma suffered the same fate as well. Midnight and Ares Kingdom were two of the best bands at Chaos. Say what you will about Rites, but its influences lives on.

SLEEP

Allegedly, Matt Pike was pretty fucked up at Sleep's last Austin appearance. Playing slower, starting songs over, being the Pike of yore. Also allegedly, no one in that crowd was not high. Now, he's sober and ready to kick ass. And they just got announced for Maryland Deathfest. Even if Pike can no longer drop out of life with bong in hand, we must! Besides, we want to see Al Cisneros proceed to the Bassian Nazareth dressed up as Carl Sagan. Also, check that video clip above, where the band warms up to clips of Sagan's classic TV show Cosmos (which seems to be a popular show amongst headbangers nowadays). Even if you've got XXX tattooed on your heart, that combo will get you high as fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

REVENGE

This is more optimistic "well, they'll be at MDF..." thinking. Blasphemy will never be able to come to the States, so we need our Canadian war metal somehow.

LIL' UGLY MANE

Yes, we put him on our Fun Fun Fun wishlist too. You motherfuckers need to recognize. Also, with past fests including Big Freedia, Fat Tony, and Curren$y (well, before he cancelled), Chaos is fairly hip-hop friendly. Especially if it's got a little stank. Lil' Ugly Mane has tankers filled with stank.

TWILIGHT

Austin's still a punk and indie town at its core, and Thurston Moore, a founding member of Sonic Youth, is certainly revered here. Recently, he joined black metal group Twilight. If you told us three years ago that Moore would be in a band with members of Nachtmystium, Krieg, The Atlas Moth, and Leviathan, we'd have told you to leave the hall. Now that it's a reality, the new Twilight would do well to come to Austin. The audience would be an interesting mix of cool types and heshers, but aren't most metal shows in Austin like that anyway?

HOW TO DRESS WELL

Chaos usually has off-beat electronic music (Xeno and Oaklander, S U R V I V E) and a pop crossover (Best Coast, Joyce Manor...well, they're still pretty soft). Why not have both with How to Dress Well? Jacob Bannon -- yes, that Jake -- sung the praises of HTDW's ghostly R&B in Hammer Smashed Sound, and we can't get enough of it since. Seriously, this sounds like if R. Kelly got in touch with his paranormal side. The man behind HTDW, Tom Krell, is also into black metal, so we're sure we'd have some great conversations about potential collaborations between Araabmuzik and Thorns.

VILLAINS

Villains are the perfect metal band for Chaos. Punkiness colors their sound, but they are metal to their core. "Street metal" is an appropriate tag for them. They're absurd, but they're not ironic. They've never played Texas, and it's about damn time. HEADLESS EXCRUCIATOR!

METALUCIFER

If Abigail are performing, let's go all the way with Japanese ridiculousness and bring along Metalucifer. Pretty much most of their songs have "Heavy Metal" in the title. Are they serious? Are they a joke? They're like the metal Turquoise Jeep.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Wishlist means something you want to buy/keep in mind for later, but aren't going to purchase right now...Cart means you want to buy it right now...



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