July 5, 2012

CRUSTCAKE'S FUN FUN FUN FEST WISHLIST


Turbonegro

By Andy O'Connor (TX)

November ain't just about turkeys and imperialism anymore. Fun Fun Fun Fest is fixing to get things turnt up once again at Austin's Auditorium Shores come the first weekend of International Drum Month. They've leaked a few bands so far -- relevant to us are southern proggers Baroness, Bob Mould of the legendary Hüsker Dü, hip-hop pioneer Rakim, Mike Patton's Tomahawk, and income tax swag expert Danny Brown. And if you know how big the fest gets, those names account for a tiny portion of what's to come. When could be a better time than now to make a wishlist of who we'd like to see at Fx3?

Read our hologram-free (hey, we gotta put some limits on ourselves) list below. Heads up, some of this is NSFW.

TURBONEGRO

How could these Norwegian hellraisers not be a contender? They've got a new record (Sexual Harassment) out that, while not quite up to the level of the unfuckwithable Apocalypse Dudes, is a banger compared to their more recent output. "Shake Your Shit Machine" should be the biggest song on rock radio, if it weren't for a certain organization that holds a grudge against George Carlin. Turbonegro appeal to many groups -- punks, metalheads, rockers, rollers, shapeshifters, drunks, speed freaks -- and Fx3 is all about crossover appeal. They've been overdue for another Austin appearance, and they're playing LA'S FYF Fest, sometimes a good predictor of what will go down at Fx3. Lots of denim and sailors hats likely in the future.

"Shake Your Shit Machine"

CEMETERY RAPIST

This is more of a Fx3 Nites pick, and Austin currently isn't the hottest market for a one-man "cornfield slam" band, but hear us out. We think Fx3 could break the band and make them into the new Turquoise Jeep. Cemetery Rapist is so ignorant, it makes Mortician look like King Crimson. There's no self-awareness we can discern; Clay Lamanske just doesn't give a fuck. You think Austin, known for its slim Levis and American Apparel tops, can handle a skinny white dude with a chain and a University of Illinois cap? So hilarious, but more important, SO SLAMMING. Basketball shorts will be OK here.

Live in Freeport, IL 11/21/11

DEATH GRIPS

Death Grips played last year, and we raved about 'em, but they could really make their mark this year. The Money Store is proving to be one of the best albums this year for hip-hop and electronic music. It's certainly poppier than their debut, Ex-Military, and "I've Seen Footage" could certainly get the crowd jumping in waves. They've still got plenty of their Black Stage aggression, but they could easily bring the ruckus to the Blue or Orange stages this year. And if their label boss, L.A. Reid, comparing them to Whitney Houston can't appeal to Fx3's love of breaking down barriers, what can?

"I've Seen Footage"

CROWBAR

They should just be the house band of the food truck court. Their heaviness would make the vegan pizza un-vegan, and thus, delectable!

"Like Broken Glass"

CONVERGE

Can you imagine how insane the Black Stage would get? Moreover, could you imagine how buck a Nites show with these dudes could be? They've got a new record in the works, and like Turbonegro, they're already confirmed for FYF fest. Fingers crossed.

"Jane Doe"

MIDNIGHT

Yeah, we just saw them at Chaos in Tejas. Yeah, we saw them at Rites of Darkness not too long ago. Yeah, they get us so jacked up we'll see them again. They're that good.

Live in Berlin 2009

LIL' UGLY MANE

Odd Future aren't buzzing anymore. Who should be their 2012 equivalent? Virgina's Lil' Ugly Mane. For one, few know who this dude really is. We've heard he was in a harsh noise project and/or a black metal band, and that he was also behind a DIY space in Richmond. Not many rappers have the audacity to release a song called "Bitch I'm Lugubrious." The covers for the digital and tape versions of his latest joint, Mista Thug Isolation, show a strong Pen and Pixel influence and do nothing to reveal his identity. He's got the mysteriousness of a limited-to-10-cassettes black metal band, but with the sounds of Spaceghostpurrp (who featured Lil' Ugly Mane on his Blvcklvnd Rvdix 66.6 mixtape) and early Three 6 Mafia. "Slick Rick" has been bumpin' in our trunks all summer, and yours should blare it too.

"Slick Rick"

PIG DESTROYER

Just give us a tease. Anything. We know you don't like to tour. But you like tacos, don't you?

"Piss Angel"

BLOWFLY

Van and I recently saw Blowfly play at the Scoot Inn in Austin, and it was easily one of the best shows we've seen this year. Blowfly is the alias of Clarence Reid, a songwriter for groups such as Sam & Dave and KC and the Sunshine Band who's been releasing X-rated party albums since the 70s. Topics of his songs include fornicating with the devil, disco that made Studio 54 look like Chili's, and how superstars like Lionel Richie and Michael Jackson went about "Begging for Pussy." He's also considered one of the first rappers, laying down "Rapp Dirty" four years prior to "Rapper's Delight." At 73, he's still as nasty as he wants to be, and he's got a tight funk band behind him to help him turn "Soul Man" into "Hole Man" and "Should I Stay or Should I Go" into "Should I Fuck This Big Fat Ho?" Such perseverance cannot be denied. And in classic Blowfly steez, the show we attended was sponsored by FleshLight! The crowd was a little sparse for us, though, so Fx3 should give Mr. Reid the audience he deserves. "Spread Your Cheeks," Austin!

"Blowfly's ABCs"

AUTHOR AND PUNISHER

Friend of Crustcake Daine Vineyard, also the host of KOOP's excellent black metal show Under the Eternal Night, has talked recently of organizing a one-man band fest in Austin. I suggested that Author and Punisher should headline the theoretical festival, and come to think of it, they would be a great addition to Fx3 as well. Tristan Shone is the man behind the machinery -- for real, he builds his own instruments called "drone machines" that produce heaviness most band's can't touch. It's as if Godflesh shifted towards an even more android nature. Just take a listen to Ursus Americanus and become one with machine.

Live in Brooklyn 11/27/10

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