CRUSTCAKE PICKS: AUSTIN SHOWS 11/6 - 11/16 (THE BEST 10 DAYS EVER?)

by Van Damned and The WZA'd

Okay Austin, this is the Big One: 10 days when you need to throw caution to the wind, your cash to the merch tables and your liver to the motherfucking wall. If you haven't already figured it out, November is bringing the metal to Austin in a big, BIG way and this 10-day span in particular is the most metal stretch of time this month. By our (admittedly sketchy) math, that makes these 10 days the most metal days of the year. And while we usually try to avoid hyperbole whenever possible (Ed. note: Hah!) we feel it's pretty safe to say that you won't find a blacker, crustier, sludgier, thrashier, more hardcore span of days anywhere.

We're so serious about this (and so, so stoked) we want you to make the jump to see just how sore our necks – and livers – will be. Non-Texas residents are free to leave jealous comments, death threats and hate mail in the comment section below.

(Suckers.)

First up, NOLA's Eyehategod – sludge metal's tough-love parents – kick off the festivities tonight (Friday) at Emo's. In support are three Texas bands known to bring the heavy: furious D-beaters Kegcharge, Crustcake-approved, Autopsy-worshippers Mammoth Grinder and disciples-in-sludge Curse the Heavens.

After that, you better start Saturday morning with an extra strong cup of coffee because Austin's home-grown Fun Fun Fun Fest opens its gates bright and early. With four color-coded stages (if you're reading this, we expect you'll be primarily interested in the "black" stage) and more than 90 bands and a handful of awesome after-parties, you're going to need more than a little caffeine.

While you can view FFFF's full schedule here, there are a few bands you won't want to miss. Coliseum, our favorite crusty, Motörhead-inspired hardcore heshers, will take the Black Stage a little after 1 p.m. Fellow Kentuckian post-'core killers Young Widows follow at 2:15. Instru-metal/post-rockers Russian Circles and Red Sparrowes follow one another at 3:35 and 4:20, respectively. Austin's The Sword chop heads with their epic stoner-doom at 4:25. Also be sure not to miss Canada's Fucked Up and their special brand of indie-psych hardcore at 6:55. Capping things off Saturday, noise-rock legends The Jesus Lizard bust ear drums at 8:35. Of course, you could also decide that you haven't seen enough in one day and decide to go to Red 7's hardcore-tastic afterparty featuring the legendary Negative Approach and Christ on Parade among others.

Sunday features even more heaviness. Sludge metal fans should get up early, as Austin's The Roller de-tunes at high noon. Immediately following, fellow locals Pack of Wolves bring the death-thrash (or is it thrash-death?) for what is sure to be a furious 12:35 p.m. performance. Later that day, Coalesce bring Ox (Ed. note: and hopefully their equally-superb OXEP) to the people at 4:50, followed, at 6:15, by pop-doom masters Torche. Houston crossover legends D.R.I. follow at 6:55. If you need a break, walk on over to the Yellow Stage to see Relapse-signee Brian Posehn's standup routine. Be sure to head back over to the Black Stage once he's done, though, as the Evil Elvis, himself Mr. Glenn Danzig caps off festivities at 8:30. But don't call it a night just yet - Black Tusk and Black Cobra will be backing up a dump-truck load of sludge into Beerland around 10 that night.

Take Monday off to go back to work and clear your head. But don't get too comfortable: the elder statesman of B-grade, horror-infused industrial pop stomp, Rob Zombie, ushers in his "Zombies Across America" tour at the Austin Music Hall in support of his upcoming Hellbilly Deluxe 2, due out in early 2010. Danish psychobillies Nekromantix and Zombie's Halloween II, are-they-real-are-they-fake Captain Clegg and the Night Creatures open.

Rest up on Wednesday, because the party starts all over again on Thursday. Virginia's crossover throwbacks Municipal Waste bring their "Waste the World" tour to Red 7. Perennial favorites Goatwhore return with some seriously feisty blackened thrash and crustgrind stalwarts Phobia open. Might want to bring a poncho to this one, as more than a little beer will surely be spilled in honor of the "Terror Shark." You'll just have to see it for yourself.

Friday, of course, is that one tour we've been salivating over for months. You know, that one. Anyway, by this point you shouldn't need us to tell you about the four bands playing, or how ass-kickingly awesome the whole show will be, or how much of an idiot you'll be for not going. We feel that, by now, the point should be pretty clear.

Saturday, the "Tour from Afar," featuring Finnish folk heroes Ensiferum, high-seas pirate metallers Swashbuckle and Blackguard and Peter Tägtgren's long-running Swedish death brigade Hypocrisy, comes ashore at Emo's. Our very own Andrew Wilhelm wrote a fine post about the tour's unfortunate loss of Canadian death gladiators Ex Deo. By the way, did you know that Tägtgren owns his own village? Yeah, neither did we. (Update: Well now it looks like Hypocrisy's having trouble with their visas. WTF, U.S. State Department?)

Tired yet? Don't be. A scant two months before they return to Texas with the mother of all progressive/technical death-jazz-fusion tours, Raleigh, NC's Between the Buried and Me bring the shred to Emo's Sunday night. Opening are Sumerian Records' Chicago deathcore peddlers Veil of Maya, eight-string axe-wielder Tosin Abasi's (Born of Osiris) Animals as Leaders and local deathsters Falsetta.

Finally, your Ten Days of Awesome Fucking Metal culminates with the last (of five) U.S. performance by drool-worthy super, supergroup Shrinebuilder Monday at Emo's. You might remember them from us here at the 'cake jocking their collective nuts since way back in December of 2007(!) but if you don't, here's an easy reminder: Neurosis + Sleep + Melvins + Wino = Shrinebuilder. Hope that's clear enough for you. Do not. Miss. This. Show.

So that's it. Hope you've saved your pennies, boys and girls, 'cause this is gonna be Epic with a capital E.

The only advice we got for you is this: consider earplugs.

INCREDIBLE, UNPARALELLED LINEUP OF SHOWS:

Friday, November 6th

Eyehategod, Mammoth Grinder, Kegcharge and Curse the Heavens @ Emo's

Saturday, November 7th

Coliseum, Young Widows, Russian Circles, Red Sparrowes, The Sword, Fucked Up, The Jesus Lizard @ Fun Fun Fun Fest's Black Stage (full schedule here)

Negative Approach, Christ on Parade, Trash Talk, Naw Dude and You People @ Red 7

Sunday, November 8th

The Roller, Pack of Wolves, Coalesce, Torche, D.R.I., Brian Posehn and Danzig @ FFFF's Black Stage

Black Tusk and Black Cobra @ Beerland

Tuesday, November 10th

Rob Zombie, Nekromantix, Captain Clegg and the Night Creatures @ Austin Music Hall

Thursday, November 12th

Municipal Waste, Phobia, Goatwhore and Cauldron @ Red 7

Friday, November 13th

Mastodon, High on Fire, Converge and Dethklok @ Austin Music Hall

Saturday, November 14th

Ensiferum, Hypocrisy(?), Blackguard, Swashbuckle @ Emo's

Monday, November 16th

Shrinebuilder @ Emo's