Golden Globes I Mean Globs I Mean Gods

We're not really sure what this 'Metal Hammer' magazine is, because we only read Decibel, but it appears to be British and apparently they've got some sort of 'Golden Gods' award thingy, which is sort of like the Golden Globes but without the second L and E, and a D in place of the B. Oh, and it's about metal instead of movies. Supposedly.

Buzzgrinder alerted our bullshit meter, and upon further research we've discovered the following hilariously out-of-touch nominations:

Best Shredder:

Alexi Laiho (CHILDREN OF BODOM)
Dan Donegan (DISTURBED)
Jesper Strömblad (IN FLAMES)
Dino Cazares (DIVINE HERSY, FEAR FACTORY)
Mike Amott (ARCH ENEMY, CARCASS)

We're certainly no experts on this particular topic, but Dan Donegan is a shredder? Really?

More shit talking after the jump.

Best International Band:

NIGHTWISH
AVENGED SEVENFOLD
IN FLAMES
DOWN
DIR EN GREY

What the hell does that even mean, 'Best International Band'? We call shenanigans.

Best Album:

AVENGED SEVENFOLD – "Avenged Sevenfold"
DOWN - "Over The Under"
CHILDREN OF BODOM - "Blooddrunk"
ATREYU - "Leads Sails Paper Anchor"
TESTAMENT - "The Formation of Damnation"

Optimist: "Hey, this list is like super diverse and stuff!"

Realist: "What the fuck are A7X and Atreyu doing on a list with fucking Testament, Down, and Children of Bodom?"

Pessimist: "Those are the five best albums you could come up with? Are you fucking kidding me!? This is a fucking travesty!"

Inspiration Award:

CARCASS
NINE INCH NAILS
KISS
MESHUGGAH
SLIPKNOT

We just threw up in our mouths a little bit.