Crustcake Reviews: Slayer - Unholy Alliance DVD

Thine Eyes Bleed kick off the DVD with a too-long explanation about how getting bigger tours than before is, you know, good and how they want people who've not been exposed to them before to have an open mind. Fair enough. With only one cut to get their point across, Thine Eyes Bleed face a tough challenge-- and they don't quite succeed. "Dark White" isn't a terrible song, and their performance-- with the exception of drummer Darryl Stephens' intolerably sloppy triplets-- is passable, but we'll most likely be hearing about as much about Thine Eyes Bleed in the future as we did in the past-- nothing.

Next, Alexi Laiho and company talk about how tourmates affect each other, 24/7 hangovers, and their nude bus bacchanals before we get to see Children Of Bodom play two songs-- the ballad-esque "Angels Don't Kill" and "In Your Face", a relentless barrage of pounding rhythm and, well, in-your-face lyrics.

Next up, the boys from Atlanta, Mastodon. Drummer Brann Dailor and guitarists Bill Kelliher and Brent Hinds chat about shitting in showers, arson, infant impalement, "crazy town" (apparently Brent's permanent mental locale and having nothing to do with this disaster), and how to make records (it involves levers, pulleys, water, dry ice, smoke, mirrors, baby powder, and Windex) while bassist Troy Sanders sits quietly getting a haircut. After his haircut, Troy's bandmates don't recognize him at first, and when they ask, "who is that guy," Troy responds cheekily that he wants to be their "new lead singer." Brann hands him a toothbrush-- a makeshift microphone-- and we get Troy's sound check ("one and two... one and two.. nervous nervous") but regrettably not a full-blown audition.

Our disappointment is soon cured by the tight-as-ever riffing of Mastodon. Mastodon bring nearly studio-perfect performances to the DVD giving Slayer-- who are only able to match Mastodon thanks to their sheer thrash onslaught and because, well, they're fucking Slayer-- a run for their money. Mastodon gets a healthy three cuts on the DVD, which include the technical "Capillarian Crest" and the supercharged "Crystal Skull" from their most recent album Blood Mountain, as well as lead cut "Blood and Thunder" from their 2004 album Leviathan.

Mastodon - "Crystal Skull":



Next is Richmond's Lamb Of God, who surprisingly are only alloted a single song which happens to be "Vigil" from their five-star 2003 release As The Palaces Burn. Palaces was their final release before being signed to major label Epic Records, which for licensing reasons may very well have something to do with the brevity of Lamb of God's appearance on the DVD.

"Vigil" begins with a slow, dark, quiet and melodic guitar line (which also happens to be the spot of the only major mix mishap on the DVD-- the line is barely audible) before the band kicks in with a slow, heavy groove. If "Vigil" was a shape, it would be a massive less-than sign or crescendo-- the song builds from its slow and minimal beginnings into a final, very much Slayer-influenced climax as vocalist Randy Blythe calls for "the biggest mother fuckin' circle pit this town has ever had." In only one song Lamb Of God successfully remind us-- whether you're a fan or not-- why they are the kings of the new wave of American heavy metal.

Finally, the headliners take the plate. Drummer Dave Lombardo shows us all how metal he really is when he talks about how "you get tired" and "you can't call in sick" on tour, and reminisces about the time his mom wouldn't let him play a show because he was sick. "C'mon, mom, I wanna play," he had pleaded with her.

After some more behind-the-scenes banter with the band, we finally get to the thrash. Slayer's selections represent a nice cross-section of their discography and include:

"South of Heaven"
"Silent Scream"
"Blood Red"
"Cult"
"Chemical Warfare"
"Eyes of the Insane"
"Dead Skin Mask"
"Hell Awaits"
"The Anti-Christ"
"Angel of Death"

Slayer deliver exactly what's expected of them-- energy, metal, excitement, riffs, thrash, more riffs, ripping guitar solos, and politically charged vocals. Their performance is just as fresh and energetic in 2006 as it was in 1986 and, unlike a certain someone, Dave Lombardo can still keep up with his band.

Verdict: The Unholy Alliance Tour DVD may not be a home run, but it's worth picking up because 1.) the Mastodon footage is top notch; 2.) the price is right, at around $13 retail; 3.) the mix is generally good and; 4.) Slayer.

[MP3] Mastodon - "Circle of Cysquatch"
[MP3] Lamb Of God - "Vigil"
[MP3] Slayer - "Raining Blood"